It's Karaoke Time!
by Poison Ivy1
Summary: The residents of Harmony, margaritas and a karaoke bar. What else is there to say? Mostly Savy romance, Shuis, a little Therethan
1. Chapter 1: Julian's Serenade to Rebecca

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, singers or songs

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, singers or songs.  I'll be happy to give them back when I'm done borrowing them.

This is a dumb little story I wrote on a rainy spring break day, please let me know what you think!  PoisonIvy62886@aol.com.  It's PG-13 (some of the song lyrics).

It looked like all of Harmony had come out tonight to the same bar at the same time.  Damn, Ivy Winthrop thought to herself.  The one night that she had wanted to go get wasted by herself, of course.  Her eyes grew wide as she saw Sam and TC enter together.  She scanned the room and saw Eve and Grace together in the back.  Her eyes again went to Sam and their gazes met.  Eventually turning away, she ordered another margarita and tried not to think about him.

She had finally gotten up the nerve to explain everything to him earlier—why she had left him after her wedding night, why she had kept her secret and how sorry she was.  Not even waiting for his response, she had run out of the park and ended up here for the rest of the day.  She heard TC say something about "Poison Ivy" and "Do you want to stay," then saw him point in her direction.  Sam shook his head and told him to stop, then they found a table.  iMaybe there's still something there,/i she thought to herself, then dismissed it as wishful thinking.

"All right, everyone, it's time for the nightly karaoke showcase!" the annoyingly perky host announced to the crowd.  It was met with cheers, groans and a "Someone please kill me now" from Ivy as she ordered another margarita.

"First up, we have Mr. Julian Crane, the one and only!" the host announced.

"Julian?!" Ivy said out loud and turned around in her barstool.  "This might be quite comical."

Julian, very much drunk, staggered up to the stage.  "Hello, darling," he greeted the host.

The host giggled.  "Hi, Mr. Crane.  What will you be singing for us tonight?"

"Uh..." he began as Ivy rolled her eyes, "umm...what's it called...butts...oh yes!  Baby Got Back.  And I'd like to dedicate it to my beautiful fianceé, Ms. Rebecca Hotchkiss."

"Oh dear God help me," Ivy whispered.

"Okay..." the host said.  "Well, Mr. Crane, go ahead!"  She handed Julian the mike and he fumbled with it before beginning.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung

Ivy joined in the snickers and laughter of the other patrons as Julian attempted to rap.

Wanna pull up front

Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed

Deep in the jeans she's wearing

I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Oh, baby I wanna get with ya

And take your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me

But with that butt you got

Make me so horny

Ooh, all of that smooth skin

You say you wanna get in my Benz

Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupie

To everyone's horror, Julian invited Rebecca onstage.  Rebecca eagerly accepted and began booty dancing.  Ivy quickly turned away and bumped into Sam.

I've seen them dancin'

The hell with romancin'

Sweat, sweat, got it goin like a turbo vette

"What the hell are you doing here?" they both asked each other at the same time.

I'm tired of magazines

Saying flat butts are the thing

Take the average black man and ask him that

She gotta pack much back

"I have as much right to be here as you do," Ivy said.  "If I feel like getting so drunk I black out, I will."

Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)

Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)

Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt

Baby got back

"Just be careful driving home, okay?" Sam cautioned.  "I don't want anything to happen to you."

LA face with Oakland booty)

I like'em round and big

And when I'm throwin a gig

I just can't help myself

I'm actin like an animal

Now here's my scandal

I wanna get you home

And --, double up -- --

I aint talkin bout playboy

Cuz silicone parts were made for toys

I wannem real thick and juicy

So find that juicy double

Mixalot's in trouble

Beggin for a piece of that bubble

So I'm lookin' at rock videos

Watchin' these bimbos walkin like hoes

You can have them bimbos

I'll keep my women like Flo Jo

A word to the thick soul sistas

I wanna get with ya

I won't cus or hit ya

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --

Til the break of dawn

I got it goin on

Alot of pimps won't like this song

Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it

But I'd rather stay and play

Cuz I'm long and I'm strong

And I'm down to get the friction on

"You sound like you care what happens to me," Ivy teasingly said.

"Because I do," Sam told her.  "I wouldn't want anything awful to happen to you."

So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)

If you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)

Then turn around

Stick it out

Even white boys got to shout

Baby got back

Ivy rolled her eyes.  "Go to hell," she told him and turned back around to face the bar.

Sam shook his head and made her face him.  "I'm not going anywhere until we finish this."

LA face with the Oakland booty)

Yeah baby

When it comes to females

Cosmo and got nothin to do with my selection

36-24-36

Only if she's 5'3"

So your girlfriend throws a Honda

Playin workout tapes by Fonda

But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda

My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun

You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt

Some brothers wanna play that hard role

And tell you that the butt ain't gold

So they toss it and leave it

And I pull up quick to retrieve it

So cosmo says you're fat

Well I ain't down with that

Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin

And I'm thinkin bout stickin

To the beanpole dames in the magazines

You aint it miss thing

Give me a sista I can't resist her

Red beans and rice didn't miss her

Some knucklehead tried to dis

Cuz his girls were on my list

He had game but he chose to hit 'em

And pulled up quick to get with 'em

So ladies if the butt is round

And you wanna triple X throw down

Dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts

Baby got back

"There's nothing to finish," Ivy said and turned back around to order her tenth margarita of the night.


	2. Chapter 2: Rebecca's Turn

P

"Fine then," Sam said."I'm not leaving until you get up there and sing something."

Ivy's eyes widened."Then you're not going to be leaving anytime soon because I don't sing."

"Come on, just one, then I'll leave you alone for as long as you want," Sam promised.

Ivy sighed."I haven't sung in years, Sam."

Sam sat down next to her."Then this will be my home till closing time."

"Fine!"She marched over to the sign-up sheet and froze when she saw the list of names and available songs.Sheridan and Luis were here, Rebecca was going to sing, Theresa was, GRACE WAS?!?!?!It seemed like everyone she knew was here.She sighed, settled on a song then returned to her seat.

"So?" Sam asked.

"It'll be a while," Ivy said."Everyone's here tonight."

"I know," Sam replied."Why are you?"

"Because I want to be," Ivy said, not wanting to tell him the real reason."What about you?"

Sam shrugged."TC thought it might be a good idea.I had no idea that Grace was here."

"Is everything all right between you two?" Ivy asked.

Sam shook his head."Divorce became final this morning."

"Sam, I'm so sorry," Ivy said sympathetically."Mine did, too.Not that my marriage never meant anything."She pushed another margarita glass aside and started to order another one before Sam stopped her.

"Water," Sam corrected."You've had enough to drink."

"Yes, sir," Ivy teasingly said.

"Next up it's Rebecca Hotchkiss, soon to be Crane!" the host announced.

"Noooooo," Ivy groaned and banged her head against the bar.

Rebecca sashayed up to the stage and grabbed the mike."I was going to sing "Lady Marmalade", but that wasn't a choice.Therefore, I will be singing "Material Girl" by Madonna.So everyone listen to me sing."

Some boys kiss me

Some boys hug me

I think they're okay

If they don't give me proper credit

I just walk away

"What an appropriate song for her," Ivy remarked.

They can beg

And they can plead

But they can't see the light (that's right, that's right)

'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash

Is always Mr. Right

"As long as Julian doesn't get up there and booty dance for her song," Sam said with a laugh.

"Oh, ew!" Ivy replied and laughed with him."Thanks for putting that image in my head."

'Cause we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

"Make her stop," Ivy groaned."Make her go away."

Some boys romance

And some boys slow dance

That's all right with me

If they can't raise my interest than

I'll have to let them be

Some boys try

And some boys lie

But I don't let them play (no way, no way)

Only boys that save they're pennies

Make my rainy day

'Cause we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

"Oh well, I'm not going to be much better," Ivy told Sam.

"Anything's better than this," he said.

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Boys may come

And boys may go

And that's all right you see

Experience has made me rich

And now they're after me

"Whoever would want to go after her needs to be smacked," Ivy said.

'Cause everybody's living in a material world

And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

Living in a material world

And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

"How about this," Sam offered."I'll go up there too."

Ivy cocked an eyebrow."You would?"

He shrugged."Why not?Come on, if Julian can do it then I can."

"Go ahead," Ivy said and watched him go sign up.

A material

A material

A material

A material

A material

A material

A material world

"All right."Sam came back and sat next to her again.

"So what are you going to sing?" Ivy asked.

"I won't tell you unless you tell me what you're singing," Sam said.

Ivy shook her head."You'll find out."

"Then I'm not saying anything," Sam teased.

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

Living in a material world

"It's over!!" Ivy rejoiced.

"You have to admit that it was pretty entertaining," Sam said.

"In the sense of clown entertainment, it was the best I've ever seen," Ivy replied."But in the sense of entertainment as an art form, it was downright horrible."

"I completely and whole-heartedly agree," Sam said with a laugh.

Ivy turned to face him."Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?"

Sam shrugged."I thought about what you said today, and I realized how unfair I was being.From what you told me, we didn't stand a chance against your father and Alistair.You deserve a second chance, and I'm willing to give you one."

"Thank you," Ivy said and smiled."Thank you so much," she said more enthusiastically and threw her arms around him.

Pleasantly surprised, Sam returned the hug, wishing he could say more.They stayed like that until the host interrupted the moment."Next up is Grace Bennett!"


	3. Ghetto Grace?!?!?!?!

Grace sashayed up to the stage, wearing a leopard-print miniskirt, a leather jacket, fishnet tights, sparkly stiletto ankle bo

Grace sashayed up to the stage, wearing a leopard-print miniskirt, a leather jacket, fishnet tights, sparkly stiletto ankle boots and a tight, bright gold tube top."GRACE?!?!?!?!?!" Sam asked, bewildered.

P

"Did she ever have a drug problem?" Ivy asked.

P

"No, not at all," Sam answered."Let's see what she has to say."

P

"Aight," Grace said in a ghetto accent and snatched the mike out of the host's hands."First, girl, my name ain't Grace BENNETT.I be Grace STANDISH, aight, bitch?"Ivy tried to muffle a laugh at Grace's outrageous appearance and manner, but let it out."Anyway, I be free up in here, aight?I ain't got no man, so if y'all wanna ride, come on by my crib after dis.Having said that, I gonna be singing "I Will Survive" cuz I be survivin' without chew, Sammykins.You and Ivy can go do dat wild thing, cuz I don't care up in here.So here I go."

P

font "#6633CC"iFirst I was afraid, I was petrified

brKept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side

brBut then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

brAnd I grew strong, and I learned how to get along

P

And so you're back from outerspace

brI just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face

brI shoulda changed that stupid lock, I shoulda made you leave your key

brIf I had known forjust one second you'd be back to bother me

P

Go on now go, walk out the door.

brJust turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore

brWeren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?

brYou think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die?

P

Oh no not I 

brI will survive

brOh, as long as Iknow how to love 

brI know I'll stay alive

brI've got all my life to live

brAnd I've got all my love to give

P

I'll survive, I will survive!

brHey hey../i/font

P

"Well, she's over me," Sam said, admitting defeat.

P

"I'm sorry," Ivy said and placed her hand on top of his.

P

"Don't be," Sam told her."It's my fault.I hope the kids turn out okay."

P

"Maybe you should get full custody," Ivy said.

P

"I might have to," Sam replied.

P

Grace began disco and booty dancing, receiving a catcall and fish eyes from Julian and the other men in the crowd.

P

font "#6633CC"iIt took all the strength I had not to fall apart

brAnd tryin' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart

brAnd I spent oh so many nights just feelin' sorry for myself, I used to cry

brBut now I hold my head up high

P

And you'll see me, somebody new

brI'm not that chained up little girl who's still in love with you

brSo you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free

brBut now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me

P

Go on now go, walk out the door

brJust turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore

brWeren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?

brYou think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die?

P

Oh no not I 

brI will survive

brOh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive

brI've got all my life to live

brAnd I've got all my love to give

P

I'll survive, I will survive!

brOh..

P

"Maybe I should have paid more attention to her," Sam whispered.

P

"For all you know, she was like this before you met her and she lost her memory," Ivy replied."Maybe she's getting her former self back."

P

Go on now go, walk out the door

brJust turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore

brWeren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?

brYou think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay brdown and die?

Oh no not I 

I will survive

Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

And I've got all my love to give

I'll survive, I will survive

I'll survive…

Just before walking out, Grace flashed the crowd.The men cheered loudly for Grace as Sam and Ivy sat there in shock."Did she just..." Sam asked.

"Um, yeah," Ivy answered."Let's forget about that whole thing."

"Okay," Sam replied."So when are you up?"

"Soon, I think," Ivy told him."Better to get it over with, I guess."

"Next up is Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald!" the host announced.


	4. 

Disclaimer: Same old, don't own the characters or the songs

Disclaimer: Same old, don't own the characters or the songs. 

*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*

Theresa walked up to the stage - or more like skipped. "Hi, I'm Theresa," she said.

  
"Hi, Theresa," the drunken crowd answered.

  
Theresa giggled. "Wow...this must be fate. I always knew that I would be famous!"

  
Ivy rolled her eyes. "Poor thing. She's a nice girl, but she couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel."

  
"I wonder if there's any record executives here," Theresa giggled. Her face scrunched up and tears filled her eyes. "All I want is to marry Ethan, have some kids and be famous!" 

"Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it!" Ivy mumbled to Sam. 

"I thought you liked her," Sam replied. 

"I do, but not her whining about fate and everything," Ivy told him. 

Theresa suddenly morphed into her sassy mode. "Anyway, this song is dedicated to Gwen Hotchbitch. This is He Loves You Not for Gwen, because ETHAN LOVES ME BITCH!!!!!!" She pushed her hair out of her eyes and smiled sweetly. "Thank you." 

_Give it your all girl, give it all ya got _

_You can take a chance _

_Take your best shot _

_Say what you want girl, do whatcha do _

_He's never gonna, gonna make it with you.. _

_Your pullin' petals of a flower tryin' to getcha way _

_Keep pullin' til its says what you wanna say _

_Girl you can pick a field full of daisies _

_But he'd still be my baby_

"I've never seen her like this," Ivy said, watching Theresa sing angrily to Gwen. 

"Maybe it's too many margaritas," Sam suggested. 

"She's underage!" Ivy exclaimed. "But I don't see why that would stop her." 

_And I know you can hardly wait til I'm away from him _

_He instinctively, I know what your thinkin' _

_You'll be givin' him an open invitation _

_But my baby won't be taken in... _

_(nooo..) _

_You can pout your cherry lips _

_Try to tempt him with a sweet kiss (sweet kiss) _

_You can bat your pretty eyes _

_He ain't got his hands tied.. _

_No chains to unlock _

_So free to do what he wants _

_He's into what he's got _

_He loves me, he loves you not _

_No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you _

_He's into what he's got _

_He loves me, he loves you not..._

"Uh oh," Sam said and nudged Ivy. 

"What? Is Grace or Julian coming?" she asked, worried. 

"No, but it looks like Gwen is out for the kill," Sam replied. 

Ivy looked to where Sam was pointing. "Oh no," she said. "Theresa better watch out." 

Theresa innocently continued, unaware of what many in the bar had noticed. 

_You're the kinda girl thas always up for do or dare _

_Only want him just because he's there _

_Always lookin for a new ride _

_The grass is greener on the other side _

_You're the kinda girl who's not used to hearin no (no) _

_All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go _

_Doesn't matter how hard you try _

_Your never gonna get with my guy.. _

_No chains to unlock _

_So free to do what he wants _

_He's into what he's got (and that's me) _

_He loves me, he loves you not _

_No matter what you do _

_He's never gonna be with you (with you..) _

_He's into what he's got _

_He loves me, he loves you not..._

Gwen reached the stage and walked up. "Girl, whatchu doin?" she asked Theresa in a ghetto accent. 

"How come Harmony is ghetto now?" Ivy asked, exasperated. 

"I'm singing," Theresa replied. "Why are you interrupting me?"

  
"Cuz, girl, you be a lyin' ho!" Gwen responded. 

"How many margaritas has she had?" Sam asked. 

"Don't wanna know," Ivy answered. 

"What are you talking about, Gwen?" Theresa asked. "I won Ethan, fair and square. Now get out!"

  
"No!" Gwen yelled. "Not until I get Ethan back!"

  
"You're not getting him back!" Theresa screamed and lunged at Gwen. 

"Girl, you best be trippin!" Gwen screamed. 

"Whatchu say, girl?" Theresa asked. 

"I say you best be trippin!" Gwen answered. 

"Girl, bring it!" Theresa yelled. 

"I will!" Gwen yelled back and began pulling at Theresa's hair. Theresa did the same for Gwen. The music stopped as the audience cheered them on. Eventually, two bouncers came to escort both of them away. 

*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*


	5. 

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the song

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters or the song. 

"Now who's better, Ghetto Grace, Ghetto Theresa or Ghetto Gwen?" Sam asked.

  
"Definitely Ghetto Grace," Ivy replied. "She had the ghetto look too, Gwen didn't look trashy enough. Ghetto Theresa was too sweet." 

"Now here's Sheridan Crane and Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald," the host announced. 

Sheridan and Luis walked up to the stage and took the mikes. "I had no idea that they could sing," Ivy remarked. 

"Hi," Sheridan said. "First off, I want to apologize about my brother's asinine antics earlier this evening." 

"And I'd like to apologize for my sister's antics as well," Luis told the audience. "Anyway, we're here on a dare from Hank to sing. So we picked Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera's Nobody Wants to be Lonely." 

"It was better than Endless Love," argued Sheridan as the crowd groaned with displeasure. "So shut up or I'll sic my daddy on you!" 

Luis began to sing to Sheridan: 

_There you are _

_In a darkened room _

_And you're all alone _

_Looking out the window _

_Your heart is cold and lost the will to love _

_Like a broken arrow _

_Here I stand in the shadows(in the shadows) _

_Come to me, Come to me _

_Can't you see that_

"They're not half bad," Sam told Ivy. 

"I just had the best idea," Ivy said and grinned. 

"What?" Sam asked. 

Sheridan joined Luis in singing the chorus: 

_Nobody wants to be lonely _

_Nobody wants to cry _

_My body's longing to hold you _

_So bad it hurts inside _

_Time is precious and it's slipping away _

_And I've been waiting for you all of my life _

_Nobody wants to be lonely so why(why) _

_Why don't you let me love you_

"Okay," Ivy said and grinned. "Well, after we're both done, you and I go up there and sing." 

"I thought you hated to sing," Sam replied. 

She shrugged. "It might be kinda fun. Come on." She grabbed his arm and they ran up to the sign-up area as Sheridan began to sing her verse. 

_Can you hear my voice _

_Do you hear my song _

_It's a serenade _

_So your heart can find me ohhh _

_And suddenly your flying down the stairs _

_Into my arms, baby_

Luis joined her for the chorus and the bridge. 

_Before I start going crazy(going crazy) _

_Run to me, Run to me _

_Cause I'm dying _

_Nobody wants to be lonely(wants to be lonely) _

_Nobody wants to cry _

_My body's longing to hold you(longing to hold you) _

_So bad it hurts inside _

_Time is precious and it's slipping away _

_And I've been waiting for you all of my life _

_Nobody wants to be lonely so why(why) _

_Why don't you let me love you_

"I can't believe that I just signed up to sing that song with you," Sam told Ivy as they returned to their seats. 

"Well, it'll be a bit, hmmm, nostalgic, shall we say," Ivy replied and listened to the rest of the song. 

_I want to feel you need me(feel you need me) _

_Just like the air you're breathing(breathing) _

_I need you here in my life _

_Don't walk away, don't walk away _

_Don't walk away, walk away _

_No, no, no, no _

_Nobody wants to be lonely _

_Nobody wants to cry _

_Nobody wants to be lonely _

_Nobody wants to cry(Nobody wants to cry) _

_My body's longing to hold you(Is longing to hold you) _

_So bad it hurts inside(It hurts inside) _

_Time is precious and it's slipping away _

_And I've been waiting for you all of my life _

_Nobody wants to be lonely so why(why) _

_Why don't you let me love you_

"So when is Ghetto Hank going to come up and try to win Sheridan back?" Ivy asked sarcastically. 

"Hopefully no time soon," Sam answered. "This is actually going quite niceley." 

_Nobody wants to be lonely _

_Nobody wants to cry(Nobody wants to cry) _

_My body's longing to hold you(So let me love you) _

_So bad it hurts inside(hurts inside) _

_Time is precious and it's slipping away _

_And I've been waiting for you all of my life _

_Nobody wants to be lonely so why(why) _

_Why don't you let me love you _

_Why, why, let me love you _

_Why, don't u let me love you _

_Let me love you _

_Why?_

After the music ended, Luis got down on one knee. "Here?!" Ivy asked incredulously.

  
"Sheridan, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Luis began. "I would be honored and delighted if you would marry me." 

The audience cheered as tears filled Sheridan's eyes. Even Ivy, who had taken on a jaded attitude about love as of late, was somewhat touched. Sheridan nodded and threw her arms around Luis. He returned the kiss and they walked off the stage together.


	6. Ice Ice Miguel

"Why can't a man declare his undying love for me on stage in front of everyone

"Why can't a man declare his undying love for me on stage in front of everyone?" Ivy asked dejectedly. 

Sam smiled inwardly to himself. "Maybe tonight you'll get lucky." 

Ivy turned to look at him. "Whatever. The day a man does that for me, hell will freeze over." 

"Now it's Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald!" the host said. 

Miguel walked up to the stage, wearing Converse sneakers, baggy pants, a football jersey and a sideways baseball cap. "What's up y'all?" he asked the audience. 

"That is not Pilar's son," Sam said. 

"I didn't know Miguel was her son. I thought he lived with you," Ivy joked. 

"What...interesting attire, Miguel," the host said. 

"What do ya mean?" Miguel asked. "Everyone wears this stuff, except for you losers." 

"Um...right, Miguel. So what will you be singing?" the host asked. 

"Wait! First I gotta tell you what happened to me!" Miguel interrupted. "I went to hell to save my girlfriend!" 

"Not this again," Ivy moaned. "It didn't happen." 

"Dude, I like went through the portal in my girlfriend's closet, right? Then I like got almost eaten by this demon. Then like this priest guy, he threw holy water on us, right? So we got out, and it was freaky then, but dude, it was awesome looking back on it," Miguel said. "So, I decided to come here and hang out with you dudes. I'm like gonna rap, right? So like here ya go, dudes." 

_Yo VIP let's kick it _

_Ice ice baby   
Ice ice baby_

"You gotta be kidding me," Ivy remarked. "What the hell is this crap?" 

"Vanilla—" Sam started, but she held up a hand. 

"I know **who** it is, I wanna know **why** the hell he is putting us through this, Ivy retorted. 

_All right stop collaborate and listen   
Ice is back with my brand new invention   
Something grabs a hold of me tightly   
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly   
Will it ever stop yo I don't know   
Turn off the lights and I'll glow   
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal   
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle   
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms   
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom   
Deadly when I play a dope melody   
Anything less than the best is a felony   
Love it or leave it you better gain weight   
You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play   
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it   
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it _

_Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla_

"This is better than Grace or Julian," Ivy said with amusement. "I wonder if Pilar is here." 

"Doesn't seem like she would be," Sam replied. 

"Then again, did you ever think that you would see Grace here?" Ivy asked. 

"You're right," Sam answered and Miguel began the next verse. 

_Now that the party is jumping   
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'   
Quick to the point to the point no faking   
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon   
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble   
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal   
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo   
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo   
Rollin' in my 5.0   
With my rap-top down so my hair can blow   
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi   
Did you stop no I just drove by   
Kept on pursuing to the next stop   
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block   
The block was dead   
Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue   
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis   
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis   
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine   
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine   
Reading for the chumps on the wall   
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls   
Gunshots rang out like a bell   
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells   
Falling on the concrete real fast   
Jumped in my car slammed on the gas   
Bumpet to bumper the avenue's packed   
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack   
Police on the scene you know what I mean   
They passed me up confronted all the dope fiends   
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it   
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it _

_Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla_

"Miguel! Miguel!" Kay stood up from the back. 

"Yo, Kay! Come on up, babe," he called to her. 

Kay walked up to the stage and danced for Miguel. "That's what you get for leaving her with Grace," Ivy said as Sam sat in shock. 

_Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet   
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it   
My town that created all the bass sound   
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground   
'Cause my style's like a chemical pill   
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel   
Conducted and formed   
This is a hell of a concept   
We make it hype and you want to step with this   
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja   
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn   
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram   
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose   
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice   
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it   
Check out the hook while DJ revolves it _

_Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby (oh-oh) vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla   
Ice ice baby vanilla ice   
Yo man let's get out of here   
Word to your mother   
Ice ice baby too cold   
Ice ice baby too cold too cold   
Ice ice baby too cold   
Ice ice baby too cold too cold   
Ice ice baby _

Miguel escorted Kay off the stage and said, "Sorry, Charity, but Kay ain't no psycho freakazoid who gets sucked into hell by some freaky-ass demons." 

"But, Miguel..." Charity's whining echoed through the room. 

Miguel shrugged. "Sorry, babe," and walked off with Kay. 


	7. Pilar and Eve: the skanks?!

Hey everyone

Hey everyone! I didn't originally plan on a Pilar chapter, but since so many people asked for it I decided to give it a whirl, hope it turned out okay :) Also, while reading Pilar and Eve's dialogue, imagine Rosie Perez or Lida and Melina on "Mad TV." 

*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*

"Next are Pilar Lopez-Fitzgerald and Eve Russell!" the host announced. 

"PILAR and EVE?!?!" Ivy asked incredulously. 

"Hey, y'all," Pilar said. Both she and Eve were dressed in Britney Spears-like clothing. 

"That's right, we here to, um, to sing karaoke, right?" Eve said. "Okay, and, um, we wanna thank Rebecca Hotchkiss for these outfits, even though she is a skanky slut." 

"Eve! You are not supposed to call Rebecca a slut! Because then she'll be like, 'Oh my God, they like sluts too!' and then we'll never be popular again!" Pilar exclaimed. 

"Sorry," Eve said. "So, like, do you tell them what we singin'?" 

"No, bitch, you tell them," Pilar said. 

"Pilaaaaaarr, I don't wanna!" Eve argued. 

"All right!" Pilar yelled. "Okay, we gonna sing Baby One More Time by Britney Spears. We hope you enjoy." 

"This is so not her," Ivy said in disbelief. "She must have smoken something before she got here." 

_Oh baby,baby   
How was I supposed to know   
That something wasn't right here   
Oh baby, baby   
I shouldn't have you go   
And now you're out of sight, yeah   
Show me how you want it to be   
Tell me baby cause i need to know now, oh because_

  
"Pilar and Eve...in Britney Spears clothes...singing Britney Spears..." Ivy couldn't breathe she was laughing so hard. 

"You okay?" Sam asked as she collapsed against him, giggling and laughing. 

"Am I fine?" Ivy asked. "I've never been better." 

_Oh baby, baby   
The reason i breathe is you   
Boy you got me blinded   
Oh pretty baby   
There's nothing that i wouldn't do   
Thats not the way i planned it   
Show me how you want it to be   
Tell me baby cause i ned to know now oh because _

_My loneliness is killing me (and i)   
I must confess I still believe (still believe)   
When I'm not with you i lose my mind   
Give me a sign   
Hit me baby one more time_

Ivy took out a camara and began taking pictures. "What are you doing?" Sam asked. 

"If they ever piss me off, they'll regret it," Ivy replied and gave him a mysterious grin. 

"You're bad," Sam stated and shook his head. 

"I know," Ivy said and giggled. 

_Oh baby, baby how was I supposed to know   
Oh pretty baby, I shouldn't have let you go   
I must confess , that my loneliness   
Is killing me now   
Don't you know I still believe   
That you will be here   
And give me a sign   
Hit me baby one more time _

_My loneliness is killing me (and i)   
I must confess I still believe (still believe)   
When I'm not with you i lose my mind   
Give me a sign   
Hit me baby one more time_

"Okay, um, so that's all," Pilar said. "Thank you all so very much, especially that guy over there in the back, the one that made me forget all about Martin." 

"Yah, and I want to thank Julian Crane for giving me some naughty nookie back some 20 years ago, man you really opened my eyes if you know what I mean," Eve said and gave the audience a sexy smile. 

"Eve! Oh my God, you and Julian did it?" Pilar said. "Girl, you go!" 

"EVE!!! GET THE HELL OFF OF THAT STAGE!!!" TC's angry voice came from the audience. 

"Oh no Eve, you in big trouble now," Pilar said worriedly. 

"No really! Come on Pilar, run!" They ran as fast as their stiletto knee-high boots would take them out of the bar and into the street. 

*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§*

  
  



	8. Lady(s) Marmalade

Ivy was still laughing, not sure if she thought that Pilar was funny or the margaritas were still getting to her

Ivy was still laughing, not sure if she thought that Pilar was funny or the margaritas were still getting to her. "Now it's Simone Russell, Charity Standish, and Kay and Jessica Bennett!" the host announced. 

"WHAT?!" Sam said in shock. "Those are my daughters!" 

Simone, Charity, Jessica and Kay strutted onstage, each scantily dressed (think the artists in the video for this song). "Hey everyone, Charity and I decided to put aside our differences for the time being, especially since Miguel's outside pimping," Kay explained. "So anyway, we're all going to sing Lady Marmalade, because obviously Rebecca Hotchkiss is too stupid to realize that it was first on the list. My apologies to Daddy, I guess we've been spending too much time with our mother lately. So anyway, here we go." 

Simone started out the song with the intro: 

_Where all my soul sistas   
Lemme hear yall flow sistas_

They all joined in, complete with a perfectly choreographed and very risque dance, then Jessica went into her solo. 

_Hey sista ,sista go, sista soul,flow sista   
Hey sista ,sista go, sista soul,flow sista _

_He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge   
Struttin' her stuff on the streets   
She said "hello, hay Joe   
You wanna give it a go"(oh)un huh _

_Giuchi, Guichi, ya ya dada (hey hey hey)   
Giuchi, Giuchi yaya here (here)   
Mocha Chocolata ya ya (oh yeah)   
Creole lady marmalade _

_What, what, what, what   
oooh oh_

They all again joined the chorus, then Kay went into her verse. 

_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir   
Voulez vous coucher avec moi _

_yea yea yea yea _

_He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up   
Boy drank all that Magnolia Wine,   
All her black satin sheets, suades, dark greens yeah _

_Giuchi, Guichi, ya ya dada (hey hey hey)   
Giuchi, Giuchi yaya here (here)   
Mocha Chocolata ya ya (oh yeah)   
Creole lady marmalade _

_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir   
Voulez vous coucher avec moi_

Sam looked sick to his stomach, sicker than when Julian or Grace was singing. "You okay?" Ivy asked, worried. 

"Not yet," Sam answered and ran to the bathroom. Ivy shrugged and turned around to see Simone go into a rapping solo. 

_Yea yea uh   
We came through with the money in the garter bags   
I let him know we bout that cake straight up the gate uh   
We independent women, some mistake us for whores   
I'm sayin', why spend mine when I can spend yours   
Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry   
Imma keep playing these cats out like Atari   
Wear high heel shoes get love from the dudes   
Four bad ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge   
Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas   
We drink wine with diamonds in the glass   
By the case the meaning of expensive taste   
If you wanna Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya   
Mocha Chocalate-a what?   
Creole Lady Marmalade   
One more time C'mon now _

_Marmalade... Lady Marmalade... Marmalade..._

Sam walked back in. "Great, you're just in time for Charity's solo," Ivy said. 

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," Sam replied. "I mean, Julian and Rebecca, sure, it's good for a laugh. Grace, good for an excellent laugh. Theresa and Gwen's catfight, fun to watch. Sheridan and Luis, our sweet, sentimental moment for the evening. Miguel, again good for a laugh. Pilar and Eve, ridiculous. But this—this easily takes the cake." 

"Look," Ivy said. "I'm up in two more, you're right after that then we sing together right after that. We'll leave as soon as we're done and catch a plane to...Tahiti. 

Sam grinned. "Tahiti? You can get us there?" 

Ivy shrugged. "Sure, why not? I bet we could even steal the Crane jet." She giggled. "Come on, it'll be so much fun!" 

Sam thought about it for a second. "Exactly how drunk are you?" 

Ivy giggled again. "Very." 

Sam thought about it again, then smiled. "Let's do it." 

"Sweet!" Ivy said and laughed some more as Charity began singing and the girls finished the song. 

_Hey Hey Hey!   
Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth   
Color of cafe au lait alright   
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,   
More-more-more _

_Kay:   
Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5 _

_Jessica:   
Sleepin' the grey flannel life Charity:   
But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,   
More-more-more _

_Giuchi, Guichi, ya ya dada (hey hey hey)   
Giuchi, Giuchi yaya here (here)   
Mocha Chocolata ya ya (oh yeah)   
Creole lady marmalade _

_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir   
Voulez vous coucher avec moi _

_Charity...(oh Leaeaa Oh) Kay... (Lady Marmalade) Simone...(hey Hey! uh uh uh uh...) Jessica...(Oh Oh oooo) Rot wailer baby...(baby) Moulin Rouge... (0h) Misdemeanor here... _

_Creole Lady Marmalade Yes-ah......_

The girls got up from their ending pose and took a bow. "Yo, Kay!" Miguel shouted from the back. 

"Yeah, babe?" she screamed back. 

"You comin'?" 

"Yeah, chill," Kay retorted. 

"I got their mens too up in here," Miguel said. 

"BABE! CHILL!" Kay yelled back. "Ready, girls?" 

"Uh huh," they all replied in unison. 

"Let's go," she ordered as they all followed out after her, taking their guys with them.


End file.
